Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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