this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I could fuck to npr.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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