I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
