Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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