SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
