During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
