just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just want to make out with him forever
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
