he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
