come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
