I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
