I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
