plz talk dirty to me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
