OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
