I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
