A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
