I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
