Sry I called you an 8
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
