Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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