I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I love having hate sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
