come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
