just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
