Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
