I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
