I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize