my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
