On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
