Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
