I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize