You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish you could order shots online.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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