"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I forget how to act sober
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
