giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize