Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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