we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize