i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
