dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
