What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
