Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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