Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
