How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
