If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
