Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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