I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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