Me. At least after what I've been through.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
