Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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