Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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