I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
