Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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