I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
