i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
