I am in a vortex of obligation.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
