i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
