what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
