I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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