headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
