cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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