I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
