Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
