Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
