i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
