If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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