then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
