I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
