I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
