how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
