Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
