Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
