Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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