Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
