There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
