You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
