2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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