I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
