all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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