So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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