Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
