yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this will be a night to untag.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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