Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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