dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
